I See the Sign
As I come up the hill, I see a stop sign in the distance. I don’t want to see a stop sign. That sign is the last thing I want to see. It will give me the time to stop and think about what I am doing.
It may give me time to turn around. I don’t want to turn around.
It may have been a crazy impulse, but it’s something I feel I need to do. I have to get out of my parents’ house, out from under their expectations, and their influence. I need to be my own, authentic self.
As I stop at the sign, I think that my authentic self might be a total loser. Maybe my parents are right, and I need to take my life in a different direction. Perhaps my dreams need to be a little safer.
I don’t remember how old I was when I first wanted to be an actress, but I’m 20 now, and I still want to be an actress. That should say something right?
As the birds squawk around me, I revel in the solitude of this chance to stop on this road and just think about my future. I dream of being a great actress, but I would be happy being a supporting actress. I just want to help bring characters to life. I want them to live and live vibrantly.
Mom tapped on my door, yesterday and came in to sit down on the foot of my bed to talk to me.
“Lani, I know you want to be an actress, and you are phenomenal in the productions you are in. Do you really think that’s a realistic life goal, though? It is incredibly difficult to make it as an actress. It takes a lot of time, and even then, it is a longshot. “
“Mom, I know that, but I just really think it is what I’m meant to do. I know I have talent, and I believe in me, even if you don’t.”
“Honey, I believe in you, I just don’t want life to be hard on you.”
“A life without acting is what will be hard on me.”
“I’m sorry, Lani. We’ll have dinner in about half an hour.”
After dinner, I was still feeling frustrated and went back to my room. I cried for a while, wondering why my parents just didn’t get how important acting is to me. That’s when I decided to leave after they went to bed. I scrawled a note and waited until I heard their bedroom door close.
I snuck downstairs and read for half an hour, killing time to give them time to fall asleep.
I went outside, got in my car with my bag, and started out toward New York. It’s a far drive from Minnesota, but I think it’s easier to break into acting there. I can at least get walk-on roles, I hope.
I don’t mind being a starving artist, waiting tables until I make it. I know it will happen. It’s the price you pay.
The first thing I will do when I get there is find a place to live outside of the city, so I can afford it, then I will find a job. I have it all figured out. I have thought about this for a long time now.
The last thing I want to do is go home with my tail between my legs.
It feels like I have been at this intersection for a long time, but looking at my watch, I see it has only been a few minutes. As I notice the lights of a car approaching, I know it is time to decide: drive on or turn around and go home before my parents find my note.
I take my foot off the brake and put it on the accelerator.
There will be another stop sign down the road and another one after that I have plenty of chances to decide.